When Jesus asks followers to “hate” or “forsake” family, particularly in Luke 14:26, it’s a call to prioritize God above all earthly relationships, rather than an actual abandonment of family. In a Catholic context, this means putting God and His will first, even if it leads to separation from family who might obstruct or reject the path of faith, but it doesn’t negate the importance of family or the duty to care for them.
Key passages illustrating this include Luke 14:26 and Matthew 10:37.
Luke 14:26 (RSV) If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple.
The same Gospel writer records Jesus healing Peter’s mother-in-law:
Luke 4:38-39 And he arose and left the synagogue, and entered Simon’s house. Now Simon’s mother-in-law was ill with a high fever, and they besought him for her. [39] And he stood over her and rebuked the fever, and it left her; and immediately she rose and served them.
Matthew 10:37 He who loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; and he who loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me;
We see precisely the same parallelism (“hate” = “love relatively more than”) in the poetic literary expression of Genesis 29:30-33, which is a discussion about Jacob, Rachel, and Leah (“he loved Rachel more than Leah” = “Leah was hated”).
The apostle Paul expresses largely the same sort of thing in the same way:
Philippians 3:7-8 But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. [8] Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sak,e I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as refuse, so that I may gain Christ
St. Paul casually alluded to apostles like himself and Peter (“Cephas”) having “the right to be accompanied by a wife” (1 Cor 9:5).
Jesus taught that we are to love (not hate) even our enemies:
Matthew 5:43-44 You have heard that it was said, `You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ [44] But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, (cf. Lk 6:27-35)
Obviously, then, he would not (and did not) teach that we ought to hate our own families. Jesus taught that we should love all people, and that includes families:
Matthew 19:19 Honor your father and mother, and you shall love your neighbor as yourself.
Matthew 22:37-39 And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. [38] This is the great and first commandment. [39] And a second is like it, You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”
Mark 12:31 The second is this, `You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.”
Luke 10:27 And he answered, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself.
John 13:34-35 A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. [35] By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.
John 15:17 This I command you, to love one another.
Catholic theology interprets these teachings in several ways:
Understanding “hate” as a superlative: In the Semitic languages of Jesus’ time, “hate” could mean “love less” when used comparatively. Matthew’s Gospel clarifies this using the phrase “love more than me”. The intention is to show that love for Jesus should be so strong that other loves seem like “hate” by comparison.
Prioritizing divine love: This teaching emphasizes allegiance to Christ above all other relationships, including family. This aligns with the First Commandment to love God above all else, as divine love is the source and perfection of all love.
Acknowledging potential conflict: Jesus recognized that following him might cause division within families, stating in Matthew 10:35, “I have come to set a man against his father…”. The choice in such situations is to follow Christ.
Redefining family: Jesus taught that spiritual bonds are significant, defining his true family as those who “do the will of my heavenly Father” (Matthew 12:50). This expands the concept of family to include all believers united in faith, and for us, that includes all creatures that teach us deeper love. A key theme for us is the two great commandments.
Not advocating neglect: This teaching does not mean neglecting family duties. Other parts of the Bible emphasize providing for and honoring relatives. The Catholic view is that prioritizing love for God enables the most authentic love for family and others. It’s about ordering affections correctly, not abandoning them.
Family teaches us love. We then extend that love outward to understand it better. The saints prove this. Most saints are loved widely due to their great love for God. Saint Teresa of Calcutta served the poorest people. Saint Therese acted as a spiritual mother through prayer. Monks also serve others with their prayers.
Our love for God should not isolate us. We should not build walls around ourselves. God builds no walls. Our egos and the devil create divisions. Fear, insecurity, doubt, pride, and selfishness cause these barriers. Division signals the devil’s presence. He makes us see fellow believers as strangers. He makes us defensive toward those we do not know in our church.
A deeper connection with others needs Christ’s perspective. This view reveals our relationship to fellow believers and to all of God’s creatures. God’s love transforms us. It fuels our desire to reach out. We stop fearing others. We seek closer unity. This means leaving comfort zones. Christ calls us to this as His Body.
Sainthood requires letting the Trinity live in us. It also requires this in our relations with others. Saints fully embrace God. They love as God loves. They forgive as God forgives. They see as God sees. Saints see everyone as brothers and sisters. They walk together toward eternal hoe.
The Catholic Interpretation
The Body of Christ:
Catholics are called to be part of God’s larger spiritual family through baptism and the Church.
Spiritual Prioritization:
Jesus’ words emphasize the need to be willing to separate from even the closest human bonds if they prevent a person from fully following Him.
God’s Provision:
Even in cases of required distance, the goal is still reconciliation and the mending of relationships where possible, but only when it aligns with God’s will.
And every one that hath forsaken houses … – In the days of Jesus, those who followed him were obliged, generally, to forsake houses and home, and to attend him.
In our time, it is not often required that we should literally leave them, except when life is devoted to him among pagans; but it is always required that we love them less than we do him, that we give up all that is inconsistent with religion, and that we be ready to give up all when he demands it.
For my name’s sake – From attachment to me. Mark adds, “and for the gospel’s;” that is, from obedience to the requirements of the gospel, and love for the service of the gospel.
Shall receive a hundred-fold – Mark says “a hundred-fold now in this time, houses, and brethren, and sisters,” etc. A hundred-fold means a hundred times as much. This is not to be understood literally, but that he will give what will be worth 100 times as much in the peace, joy, and rewards of religion. It is also literally true that the love of God injures no man’s temporal interest. Mark adds, “with persecutions.” These are not promised as a part of the reward, but amid their trials and persecutions, they should find reward and peace.
https://biblehub.com/commentaries/matthew/19-29.htm
catholicexchange.com/we-are-not-strangers-we-are-brothers-and-sisters-in-christ/
https://www.ncregister.com/blog/did-jesus-teach-his-disciples-to-hate-their-families